Perhaps it’s age — I’m a month away from my 80th birthday — or fatigue, or the heart-sickening world news that seems to get worse by the hour, or all of these reasons rolled together, but I’m finding it harder and harder to smile these days.
In an ongoing effort to correct this personal fault, I’ve just done some research into my own WOW archives to re-read my meditative essays (pep talks) on the subject of smiling. Here’s one from a couple of years ago that’s lifted my spirits — and my face — this morning. I hope it does the same for you during these trying times:
“Instant Facelift”
For those of us who don’t want, or can’t afford, but nevertheless might well benefit from, a surgical facelift, may I suggest a quick, easy, painless, free alternative? Smile more.
I’m being jokey here, but I do think there’s a valid case to be made for making this effort, especially as time and stress pull our faces down like heavy drapery.
Mexicans, I’ve observed in the years I’ve lived here in Mexico, are quick to smile genuine smiles. If you study the old folks’ weather-worn faces, you see deeply carved wrinkles by their eyes. When you pass Mexicans of any age on the sidewalk and you make eye contact, you’re sure to exchange smiles. These are guileless smiles, a-sincere-recognition-of-our-shared-humanity smiles. The kind of smile that brightens your day.
Psychologists have a term for this true smile of happiness. They call it a “Duchenne Smile,” which is characterized by narrowed, happy eyes that show crow’s feet wrinkles, as well as the upturned corners of the mouth, which stereotypically are associated with a smile.
We (mostly retired) gringos here in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico, I’m afraid, have a reputation for not smiling. We walk with our heads downcast — no doubt to avoid tripping on the cobblestone streets and wildly uneven sidewalks and breaking a leg. We seldom make eye contact with passersby. Those of us from big American cities like my New York think we know better than to make eye contact. We remain for the most part in our own, old, cultural bubbles and charge ahead, seemingly oblivious of others.
A Mexican friend once told me that Mexicans see this behavior as sad. They think we are deeply unhappy people, even, she said, “bitter.” This is sad indeed.
To help bridge the cultural and language divide, I bought a workbook some time ago from the Warren Hardy Spanish School here, offering to help me progress in my glacial efforts to learn, as the workbook’s cover states, “authentic Mexican Spanish from the heart of Mexico.”
The first chapter is on “Social Protocol,” stressing the importance of such things as greetings, farewells, and requests. “This is important,” the workbook states, “because Hispanics usually perceive Americans as cold or even rude because we don’t commonly greet each other in our culture,” adding, “Use the social protocol every day, everywhere. Es muy importante. And don’t forget to smile!”
Life, I know, having learned it the hard way, is definitely not all smiles. Nevertheless, I’ve also learned, happily, there’s a lot to be said for smiles – genuine smiles, that is, that express true happiness, and not simply masks for nervousness, sorrow, or pain. This is a universal truth, regardless of where we live. I’ll let the science weigh in:
“When you smile, your brain releases tiny molecules called neuropeptides to help fight off stress. Then other neurotransmitters like dopamine, serotonin and endorphins come into play too. The endorphins act as a mild pain reliever, whereas the serotonin is an antidepressant. One study even suggests that smiling can help us recover faster from stress and reduce our heart rate.” (From “The Real Health Benefits of Smiling” — www.sclhealth.org .)
But getting back to my original idea about facelifts: Often, as I walk along the sidewalks here in SMA, I tell my face: Up, Face, up! Get up! Lift yourself up!
I can even hear my mother’s voice in my head forever admonishing me, her eldest and always too-serious daughter, “Put a smile on your face, Bonnie! Nobody wants to see your long face! You look so much prettier when you smile.”
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Good advice except perhaps if one is residing in Russia or some of the post-Soviet societies. When I worked in Kazakhstan, I and other professors learned that smiling was a cultural faux pas. The one smiling was considered silly and not taken seriously. More than one professor told me that s/he had discovered that life was easier for them if they ignored their American tendency to smile and kept a straight face.
Pretty challenging for most Americans to do. Given we were in a newly formed research university with international partners, I encouraged students to smile as they would be interacting with other countries where smiles indicated an interest in people and subsequently, helped to attain goals.
These days I fear, given what has been happening in the US, it may be a little easier for us not to so quickly exhibit those smiles. Nevertheless, I hope I and others continue to smile.
Fascinating cultural differences, Barbara! Thanks so much for sharing your experience in Kazakhstan. … Yes, smiles are luxuries, aren’t they, afforded those of us who aren’t living in war zones right now. 🙁
When I was a child in Canada, my mother always told me not to even look at a stranger, let alone smile. She said it was rude. But I’ve always been a people-studier and I love the smiles and greetings that Mexican strangers give me. When I first came to San Miguel, I would wonder how I knew or where I’d met the person who smiled and greeted me in the street. Then I figured it out. Have you noticed that Mexican visiters from the big ciies often don’t do the smile and greet? I hope it’s not being lost.
Thank you for sharing this, Pat. No, I hadn’t noticed that Mexican visitors here in SMA don’t smile; I’ll have to pay more attention! In the meantime, I’ll try to keep striving to lift up my long, sad face!
So true, smiles are good for us and make others smile back too.
Yes, Judy. True! Thank you.
Thanks Bonnie, for the reminder of those warm Mexican smiles…and hugs! and the soft voices wishing me Buen Dia on the streets! I missed being there this year. Happy Easter weekend! I’m sure there’s lots to smile about in San Miguel for this feast! All best, Rae
Thank YOU, Rae, for your thoughts. Yes, there are LOTS of visitors here in SMA for this Easter weekend! I’m sure that on Sunday there’ll be lots of smiles.
Bonnie, another nice and lovely and telling piece. Keep it going. John
Another lovely piece, Bonnie. Keep them coming. John
Thank you, John. Your words mean a lot to me. I hope you’re doing well. — BB
I’m smiling as I read another of your delightful and wise missives. Gracias dear Bonnie!
Thanks so much, Sher. Happy to make you smile!
¡Una sonrisa es lo mejor del mundo!
Si, querida Te! And I’m reminded of an old song that goes, “Let a smile be your umbrella on a rainy day.” (Or something like that.) 🙂
Receiving your blog makes me smile.
And reading this comment from you, Anne, has made me smile! Thank you. 🙂
Dear Bon,
I believe everybody has something, somewhere inside them or around them, that would bring a smile to their face. We may have to make a conscious effort to connect with that thing, but that’s alright. It’s well worth the effort to do so.
The problem is there are forces all around us whose goal is to make us feel marginalized and unvalued, and this makes it difficult to maintain a sense of personal happiness. What works for me is to keep reminding myself that if I react to political chaos by being unhappy, then I am helping these forces achieve their dastardly goal. Sometimes this requires constant reminding.
I listen to quite a bit of political discussion, and it can get a person down. For this reason I never listen to it after dinner. My evenings are spent pursuing my own amusement. I listen to music and watch videos. I keep myself entertained and stimulated. I find this helps.
Please continue to watch those cobblestones. They are treacherous. If it’s a choice between not smiling and not falling, it’s far better not to fall.
Love,
Paul
How I savor your always thoughtful comments, dear Paul. Yes, the trick of walking here is to keep looking up and down — down at the cobblestones, then up at the approaching people, then down again…. Like my view of life in general, it’s a tightrope walk — all about balance! — LU, BB
Yes indeed. Smiling changes us and the world we touch
And I’m so looking forward to seeing your smiling face back here again! 🙂
My smile lesson sounds like this, “You’re not completely dressed to go out until you put on your smile.”
I loved this gentle easy reminder of the health benefits, not to mention how much better you look.
I just finished reading How to Make a Patchwork Quilt. Another gem.
Looking forward to The Other Side. Is that the Rio Grande Gorge I see?
Teri in Taos
Thank you so much, Teri! Yes, I try to practice my best smile in the mirror before heading out into the world every day. It’s a little like putting on my sun hat. So glad you liked HOW TO MAKE AN AFRICAN QUILT. Yes, you’re right, that’s Geraint Smith’s photo of the Rio Grande Gorge on the cover of THE OTHER SIDE. Happy Easter! — Bonnie