One of the jump-rope jingles we used to chant when we were kids went like this: “Make new friends and keep the old. One is silver and the other gold….”
Some people are lucky enough to be born into large, loving, supportive families. What must that be like? Diamonds?
I, on the other hand, feel rich in the friendships – new and old, silver and gold – that I’ve made and kept along the way. And it’s been a long way! I just turned 71.
I was reminded of my immense friend-wealth recently when Facebook did me the favor of letting my friends, near and far, know about my birthday last week.
I realize it’s possible to find fault with Facebook. You could say, for example, that it’s an echo-chamber for political (and other) views, it’s a handy repository for tired platitudes (such as, “You’re as young as you feel!”), it’s a silly outlet for puerile photos (like a pic of the popcorn you’re eating for dinner), and it can be a huge waste of precious quotidian time. Frank Bruni, my favorite New York Times writer, even swiped at it brilliantly the other day with the column, “How Facebook Warps Our Worlds” (NYTime.com, May 22). All true.
But — and I’m more than a little surprised to see myself defending online social media like this, Taurus Brontosaurus that I’ve always been — one day a year I truly love Facebook and forgive it all its faults. That day is May 18, my birthday. (Eighteen has also always been my favorite, “lucky” number, especially since I learned of its significance in the Jewish religion: 18 corresponds to the Hebrew word “chai,” meaning “life.”)
This year, living in a new (for me) country, making new friends, yet staying connected with old friends through my “lifeline” (this new computer that replaced the stolen one), I appreciated Facebook-delivered birthday wishes more than ever before. People from every place I’ve ever lived, from every stage of my life, appeared, thanks to Facebook, as if in person, to remind me of that time and place and how that person helped to shape me.
There was a wish from Astrid, a hometown neighbor in New Jersey, who taught the preteen me how to twirl a baton. And another from my dear friend John, whom I’ve known since high school. And another from Kathy, my Katharine Gibbs roommate and the maid of honor at my wedding fifty-two years ago. And one from Gigi, who was my daughter’s playmate in Salisbury, Rhodesia. And another from Tom, my best guy-pal at Columbia University. And a sweet, sweet note from singer/actor/director Michael, who was my head waiter when I had a catering business in New York thirty years ago. And one from my “chocolate sister” Yolande in Gabon, who took me in when I was in Peace Corps training in 1996, and another from my Peace Corps postmate, Morgan, who now lives in Idaho with her family. And several from friends from graduate school in L.A. And more from friends in Taos, where part of my heart still is.
I was awash in well over one hundred good wishes from friends all over the world – from Argentina to the Philippines — friends, who, like me, may have moved on but who haven’t lost touch. We’re connected by silver and gold threads that seem to be unbreakable (thanks again, in part, to Facebook). For this I’m unspeakably grateful, and I feel immeasurably rich.
find me on facebook
Happy birthday Bonnie!! Just read your article and am amazed at how quickly time flies! I just turned 80 which seems really weird since most of the time I feel 39!! Be happy and healthy! Best wishes. Ella Madsen Thoms
Thank you, Ella. It was a happy b’day, thanks to my near and far friends. How can you be 80 now? To me, you’re still in your teens! — xx
I hope you know, Bonnie, that you have an ‘old friend’ in me……..even though we certainly lost touch after high school. But we do go way back to grammar school. I will never forget you! xo Pam
Thank you, Pam. I do. And the feelings go both ways. — xx
Dear Gold-Friend Bonnie…Yes….I remember “Make New Friends, Keep the Old”….it was a Brownie and Girl Scout song when I sang it…and I still do. It is dear. As for your having friends for many years….”It takes a friend to have such friends”….and you are well-loved. Thanks for the reference to “18”….also my favorite number for the reason you mention. To LIFE dear friend…to LIFE! Love, Pamela
Yes, “to life!” dear Pamela. I’m deeply grateful to have befriended you here in SMA. Amigas para siempre!– xx
So happy to have traveled some of our life paths together. You’re a very special, dear friend, Bonnie. I’m in awe of your adventurous spirit. Sending love your way, Arti
Thank you, Arti. I’m sure if someone put a baton in my hands I could still twirl it! You were such a good teacher. — xx
You are rich in friends because you are such a good amiga, Bonnie querida!
Thank you, amiguita Te! So are YOU! — xx
Ralph Waldo Emerson said that if you can make one person’s life the better, then you have succeeded .. You have touched so many lives with your smile and your love ,and left them betterpeople, that you deserve all the accolades .. And receiving all our love in return. Bisous xx
Thank you, Gigi dear. You’ve brought tears to my eyes. Love to YOU. — xx
Chère Bonnie, Je suis reconnaissante à la vie de nous avoir fait “rencontrer” par lettres. De Suisse au Mali en passant par le NM et maintenant Mexico. Que cette nouvelle année qui commence t’apporte encore plus de joies, une bonne santé et toujours, la compagnie de tes ami(e)s en or et argent.
Je t’embrasse.
Merci, chere Isabelle, for your kind words and wishes from Switzerland! You are indeed a golden friend, and I cherish you. Toujours, BB
It takes a good friend to make a good friend, Bonnie. From my own experience, I can testify that you deserve all the friends your heart (or FB page) can hold.
Barbiedear — You know what friendship is because you’re THE BEST at it. I cherish our friendship.– Siempre, BB xx