Friendship – amistad, in Spanish – is the best. Especially the oldest friendships, because they’re the deepest, widest, richest, strongest. I’d even go so far as to say that having long, enduring friendships is one of the highlights of growing old.
When I first arrived in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico, exactly ten years ago today, as a single and newly retired seventy-year-old American woman, and I actively made new friends in various groups (volunteering, folk dancing, sketching…), we were all, it seemed, in or around our seventies. Now, of those who’ve remained here, we’re in our eighties and truly qualify as “old” friends.
We may no longer be dancing together, but we strive to stay in touch. And when we have lunch in town, one-on-one, we keep it light – leaving the baggage of our age-related ailments at our respective casas. Our steadfast amistad and care for one another goes unspoken.
As much as I cherish my newer old friends in SMA, I feel especially blessed to maintain old friends from elsewhere throughout the world. And as stubbornly resistant as I’ve always been to computer technology, I thank the Internet for allowing me to keep in touch with all these dear friends so easily online, through email, Facebook, and this WOW blog, which I’ve been writing now for over ten years.
It’s become a cliché, I know, but like most cliches it’s fitting (think of comfy old bedroom slippers): friendships are like gardens; they require similar tending. And this is the season of the year when this truth is most pronounced, a time when we make a special effort to reach out to our far-flung old friends in cards and notes and good wishes for the new year ahead, as if to keep our global friendship-gardens well-watered and in good health.
I have a fuzzy memory of my Scottish immigrant grandparents making us all join hands in a circle and sing Auld Lang Syne on New Year’s Eve in Morristown, New Jersey. I was too young to understand the words of this 18th century Scottish ballad, later popularized among the Scottish diaspora, but I thought I understood the message of it – that auld (old) friendships should not be “forgot,” despite distances; that we’re meant to hold hands, hold each other up, and sing the same song, even across oceans. It’s this message that has stuck with me over the decades.
“We’re all just walking each other home.” — Ram Dass (stock photo)
So I hold fast to my old friends, the people who have shaped me and made me who I am, the people who know me best and accept me as I am, the people whom I connect with on the deepest, most meaningful levels. There are too many to mention by name now, but here are just a few examples:
- Marie-Laure in Paris: We met in the summer of 1972, when I was twenty-seven and she twenty-four, on the island of St. Martin in the Caribbean, on a tennis court. She and her then-boyfriend had only one racket between them, and I had two. Our lasting friendship and our many international travel-adventures together grew from that brief loan.
- John in California: Our friendship began with a dance at our tenth high school reunion in 1973. We hadn’t known each other in high school in New Jersey, but we’ve since more than made up for that lost time.
- Maureen in Philadelphia: In 1975 Maureen and I met when I began work at the public television station in New York, WNET. At one point she urged me to apply to Columbia University, her alma mater. I followed her advice, was accepted and granted a full scholarship. Her urging changed my life’s course. She has remained a soul-sister over the past fifty years.
- Ron in Los Angeles, Paul in Boston, and Michael in New York were once my core staff when I had a catering business in Manhattan, Bonnie Fare Catering (1986-96). Ever since, they’ve been like beloved younger brothers to me.
- Morgan in Montana: Morgan was my post-mate when we both served as Peace Corps volunteers in Gabon, Central Africa, from 1996-98. She and my Malian friend Youssef saved my life when I had a terrible burn accident there. (See my recent blogpost, “One Muslim Man” for the full story.) I’ve since, thanks to Facebook, watched her son Eddie grow up. He’ll soon be attending college.
- Sandra in Kirriemuir, Scotland: Sandra, a local historian, and I met in 2011, when I was doing research for my novel, JAMIE’S MUSE (based on the life of my Scottish great-grandmother, Helen David Black, from Kirriemuir), and she and I have remained in close communication ever since. She signs her frequent, long-and-chatty emails, in which I hear her voice and her Scottish burr, “Your Sister Across the Sea.” Her friendship means a great deal to me.
While leafing through my old address book the other day – yes, the kind made of paper, with a zippered cover even – I noted that a number of the people in it have moved on. And by that I don’t mean to new addresses here below. It was a sad and sobering thought, as well as a reminder that we’re “only dancing on this earth for a short while,” as Cat Stevens sings. For the duration, then, I think we’d be wise to invest in meaningful friendships that will, over time, deepen and endure.
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Wishing all my WOW readers, who are by now old friends, Happy Holidays! — and all best wishes for the New Year ahead. With mucho love from Mexico siempre, Bonnie
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What a lovely holiday note! You have used your decades well dear Bonnie – ah! What a life!!! Of course you sustain your friendships – it’s a delight, honor, privilege to become flower in your wild garden! Xoxoxo Carol
And what a beautiful sunflower you are, dearest Carol! Thank you for your sweet words. They brought tears to my eyes. — Mucho love, BB xx
Nice piece, Bonnie. You should write a long one about all the famous people you cooked for..
Thanks so much, John. Ah, yes, all those “famous” people I’ve cooked for… Like Jane Fonda (who didn’t eat her veal chop), Robert Wagner (at his engagement party; one of my wait staff quipped in the kitchen: “I hope this one can swim”), Bill Moyers (who always came into the kitchen to thank me and hug me). The list is much longer, of course. But really, who cares? Happy Holidays to you!
I take full credit! That Robert Wagner was hiding something, even then at the engagment party to Jill St. John in the home of Helen Gurley Brown! We had some amazing nights! xoxo
We sure did! Are you going to write the book? (I’m not.) — xx
Thank you for sharing your friends. I’m very certain they cherish you, because you bring out the best in others, partly by inspiring. Your gift is in verbalizing values. I’m grateful for your reminder of consistent,, gentle kindness that comes with friendships.
Thank you so much for your kind words, dear Marie. You’ve made my day. 🙂
Wonderful musings Bonnie. I too have a list of old friends. With these special people, years may go by between visits but it always feels like we were together yesterday.
Yes, querida Kim — that timeless quality is priceless!
As always, I love your thoughtful notes. Old friends know the inner me. We’ve never met but I enjoy all your deep insights to the people of San Miquel. While I visited there only once…it stole my heart. Happy holiday season!
Thank you, dear Paula. Happy Holiday season to you too!
Beautiful and touching, as always, Bonnie!
Thank you, dear Karen!
Gracias querida Bonnie
you are a new old, timeless freind and your writings about your worldwide lifetime freinds makes me feel even closer to you. Like the seet koi swimming in the pond of my kitchen wall you alwayss win the waters that nourish and care for me. Siempre amigas. Happy holieedays adn a healthy 2026.
Gracias, querida amiga Judith, for your kind words and for your amistad.
Nice to remember all your old and enduring friends, Bonnie. You have definitely tended them like precious flowers in your garden.
And you, of course, are one of those precious flowers, BeDear! I couldn’t name all “my flowers” in this blogpost. I’m sure you understand. Thank you for being such a dear and steadfast friend for so many years.
oh dear BB, I am so proud to be mentioned in your Amistad post and so blessed and happy to have been able to share so many wonderful moments since we met.
M-L, cherie, you’ve shown me the world, and I will be forever grateful to you. — xx
I love your posts, and this one is so important. thanks so very much Bonnie.
Thanks so much, Judy! You’ve made my day. 🙂
Bonnie, I’ve been keeping up with you for about 5 years now. You are amazing. I’m selling my house in SMA and my PD has progressed so it’s better that I stay in US though not thrilled. Take care and please keep writing and sharing
Joni, thank you for this. I’m sorry to learn that you’ll be leaving SMA, but I wish you all the best back in the U.S. Please stay in touch. I’ll try to keep writing…
Dear Bon,
What a lovely, heartfelt message! And what better time is there than the holidays to express gratitude to those who have given support and empathy through the years? The reason you have so many close friends to thank is because you never fail to offer the same in return. Also, you unselfishly offer a brilliant, curious mind that resolutely searches for truth, a kind, true heart that loves without judgment, and the steadfast, unfaltering ethical core that can only be borne of a life lived fighting life’s battles. Having you in our lives is a blessing, and we all feel it. So I want to say thank you to you, for being all this and more. I love you.
I want to wish all who read your blog peace on earth, goodwill towards all, and bless us, every one. Just don’t call me Tiny Tim.
Paul
Thank you, dearest Paul, for these loving words. I love you, too, and I’m forever grateful for our ongoing friendship and “love letters” across continents and decades. Happy 2026. To the barricades! 🙂
Dear dear Bonnie! What a lovely remembrance! It’s funny you use the metaphor of a garden. Tony often asks “who ARE all these people!?” After 26 years he’s still meeting old friends of mine. I always think of my treasured friendships as part of a garden. It needs tending, nourishment, sunlight, sometimes pruning. Without these it cannot flourish. Some are evergreens that brave the seasons, others are more delicate and bloom for only a short while. All are precious to me. How lucky are we to have that!? You know I am eternally grateful for you and your influence in my life where you remain a constant presence. I am honored to be counted among your treasured friends. Sending a Big Hug – just the way I always hugged you. xoxo
Yes, dearest Michael, we are SO lucky to be rich in friendships! We’ve known (and worked for) many financially wealthy people, but I’ve often thought they would envy our riches. 🙂 Thank you for your steadfast love and friendship throughout the years — and all the Big Hugs. — xoxoxox
Hi Bonnie, my name is Heather. I am RPCV Gabon 1991-1993. I found your name and blog (which I’m enjoying) by looking up those like us, writers and former Gabon volunteers. I’m writing (perhaps even getting on toward finishing) a novel set in the village I lived in – though largely an act of wild imagination after that. Wondering if you’d be willing to email with me a bit about writing and those old times. If so, please email – hlaszlorosser@gmail.com.
Hope you are well in Mexico. With warm regards, Heather
Hi, Heather — Good to hear from you — and best wishes for your Peace Corps novel! My first suggestion for you would be to read my PC memoir HOW TO COOK A CROCODILE (Peace Corps Writers, 2010) because it contains everything I have to say on the subject. It’s based on letters and journal entries I made at the time, so they’re vivid and fresh. By now my memories are pretty fuzzy. 🙂
Thanks Bonnie, will do! Wishing you a restful holiday.
That was a lovely list of comments to read, Bonnie. I love to think that even though we’re new friends, not old, I can be in your garden. I’m happy to be a tiny bud on a small magenta bougainvillea!
Gracias, Lena. And perfecto! — bougainvillea are my favorite flowers here in SMA! 🙂
As usual. I so enjoyed your post about friendship. We have both had as so many rich experiences, shared by very special people over the years. I loved that you included the quote—‘We are all just walking each other home.’ I use it more and more frequently these days.
Happy holidays to you. I often think of you just up the hill at sunset. I know you’re there and it comforts me. Let’s share a pot of tea soon!!
Thanks so much, Suzanne. Yes, we’re rich in friendships — fortunate us! Happy Holidays to you, too, and yes, let’s have a little “tea party” chez moi soon! — xx
Merry Christmas to my feral friend. We are now back in San Miguel after traveling in the states to see old friends there and family too. Looking forward to our next good adventure.
So good to hear from you, Anna! I’d been wondering where you’ve been! Yes, we must start planning our adventures for the new year ahead. In the meantime, have a Happy & Merry. — BB xx
Thanks for another great post. As someone who hasn’t known you long, I hope the fact that we share a close friend (Monty) somehow adds to the longevity of our friendship?! Can’t wait to see you soon.
De nada, Lela. Yes, our shared Monty makes a big difference! 🙂 Happy & Merry to you. See you in Feb. — BB
Oh, dear newer friend, amiga in Spanish, amie en français, I always love reading your blogs—and they make
me so glad to know you now, not only as a fellow writer but as a neighbor in our beloved San Miguel de Allende!
Yes, we may be in our eighth decade, but it’s never too late to discover the joys of common interests and shared view points that create deep and enduring friendships!
Felice Navidad, amiga!
Thank you for this, dear Sher. Yes, it’s never too late! Feliz Navidad to you and Gary and family too.
Bonnie querida,
What a beautiful oda a la amistad! I recognize some names like Morgan and Michale from your memoirs. Qué bonito that you all have kept in touch for so many years. besitos from taos…
Gracias, querida Te. Are you and Gary back in Taos now? Sending you love and best holiday wishes there — or wherever you may be. — xx